Awful News

Yesterday I heard some awful news about a family that is friends with our family. Their oldest son was killed in a rock slide. I won't give any more details. It affected me a lot. It brought back immediate, sick, trauma feelings. The feelings that I talk about are a deep in your stomach wrenching feeling of just being sick. I started to shake and think about the dad and brother who have to bring their boy back from their trip. The mom who has to wait to see her son and comfort her hubby and other son. All day I kept looking at Michael paranoid that he would code on me, leave me. Life is just too short, you NEVER know when it will be you or someone you love. I felt guilty too. I felt guilty I was the one who received a life back. Why me? I'm just as normal as she and her husband are. I also felt even more overwhelming feelings of gratitude. How could I be the one? I pray so hard for this family. The mom of this family came up to me one sunday, I was at my parents ward and she said the sweetest things to me. She tried to go out of her way to comfort me, she and her family prayed for me and the boys, she took a part in the miracle of Michael coming back to us. I want so bad to be what she was for me. I pray every second that I can. I know partly how she feels in her loss. So many doctors and nurses told me that Michael might not make it, over and over again. Over and over again, Michaels body would do traumatic things where I would start to believe what they were telling me. I saw many traumatic things. I feel for this family so bad. I can just imagine what she is feeling, and that she just wants her boy back, that's it. Traumatic trials are hard, and that's all I have to say about that.