Christmas?

Christmas was a little bitter sweet for me. I was full of a million emotions. This year was crazy, I'm so glad its over but I feel like it was all a distant memory, a bad nightmare. I had this extra spirit guiding me, giving me comfort, helping me sleep at night, and now it feels like its gone. All of these awful things are happening around me in the world and I have this miracle, I feel beyond blessed. It's hard for me to know that Michael doesn't remember anything that happened. It would be so nice to talk about it with him and he just understand. Christmas sort of came up and slapped me up side the head and said, I'm here!!! I felt like I was going to weep at every little thing. I feel sad now that its over. But grateful for a new year to start again, one that hopefully doesn't consist of open heart surgeries and hospital stays. There were some fun highlights of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The first was the nativity scene that we do with the kids. My Tanner was the best. He loves dressing up so putting a costume on him was no big deal, he was a shepherd. Christmas Day I gave Michael a book I had put together of family stories and experiences they had over the year he was so sick. He loved it. I could see it on his face. It meant a lot to him. On Christmas Day a friend of mine from a long time ago makes these really cool bracelets. He and I did a trade for one for James. I did a painting for him and his kids. It felt so good to get back into painting again, I was finally doing something for myself, it felt amazing and liberating. James hasn't taken off his bracelet. I'm really super nervous for this coming Monday. I'm having surgery on my ankle, I severely sprained it 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Tanner. At the time I didn't know I severely sprained it. I went about my thing working out, walking on it, running on it and having lots of pain from it. I have some feet pain after I have my babies, and it usually gets better but this didn't, and it was worse with my right foot, the one that I sprained. I didn't have time to do anything about it cause of the year we had, until Michael finally came home and was doing well. He insisted I go to the doctor, I did and the doctor sent me to an ankle specialist. He made me do an MRI, and it showed that I had torn my ligaments and tendon when I sprained it, they have healed but not properly, and the ligaments showed multiple tearing. He gave me the non operative and it sounded lame, so since we met our deductible with our insurance it was stupid not to get it done. So here I am having my first surgery since my wisdom teeth. Compared to what michael and I have experienced this year, this will be a piece of cake, no biggie. My Mother in law is going to come and help me for a bit, so that will be really nice, but I'm still nervous. Wish me luck! Below is a picture of my ankle a few weeks after I sprained it, in this picture it looks less canklish.