Getting Old

Ever since I have been going to the OBGYN regularly again I found some new things about myself that really frustrate me. The first and foremost is, at the doctors office they classify me as, "advanced maternal age." They also proceed to inform me of all of the risks that come with having a baby "older." The thing that frustrates me the most is that I don't consider myself of an "advanced maternal age". I still feel young at heart and seem to look over my shoulder, (at someone else) every time they talk to me about tests I should take, etc, etc. Well, the thing that hasn't helped with feeling like my younger self at heart is that I haven't been able to dye my hair for the last 3 months. As my hair has grown out I feel like every time I look in the mirror there is another patch of grey hair. This is the longest I have let my hair grow out and so I didn't know my hair was so grey. I finally dyed my hair last night and I feel like a whole new woman. I just wish I could embrace this getting old thing with a better attitude and to be happy that I am still even living here on earth, healthy.

My Aunt Pam wrote a letter and sent it out to her friends and family. This last year she has under gone chemo and radiation for breast cancer. She is doing O.K. In her letter she gave a quote that really touched me it said: "I would never trade my amazing friends, my life, my family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself and less crutical of myself and I've become my own friend." I really appreciated her quote because of how I have been feeling lately, old. I can't wait for the day that I can get to this point. Where I can appreciate the things I have done and not worry about what's sagging here, and what is hanging there. I do believe I have become A LOT less crucial of myself than when I was in my 20's, I am just feeling like I have to get there again at a different level now. I am grateful for my Aunt's attitude, she has always been a happy positive woman. I think for the next 6 months while my stomach continues to grow and grow and the scale keeps going up and up I will remember the real reason I am doing this and it is only for a short time, and every new grey hair that comes will only make me appreciate my life better.