Today is a new day. Yesterday I was very excited and happy about having another boy in our family. I even got a little bit excited when the boys told me they were happy with another boy. I even fell in love with the baby when I saw him holding his little feet and looking so cute in the ultrasound. Well, like I said today is a new day. Yes I am hormonal and emotional but today I long for the little girl my boys wanted. A girl at our studio is prego around the same time I am and she is having a girl. Again the longing for that little girl for my boys. When we were deciding to have another baby I had this crazy dream. It was so real, it was a little girl just standing there watching me. Deep down inside I felt it to be real, that our little girl was finally coming. I never believe in dreams because they are never true for me.
I tried hard not to get my hopes up and I guess I did. I want to be happy today but my disappointment is weighing on me. I love my boys, I wouldn't change having both of them for ANYTHING! But today is a "want my baby girl day" today. I don't want to feel like this but I do and I can't change how I feel. I think it is going to take me a little getting used to.
A friend of mine from my mission is having her 4th boy. She gave me some good advice in her blog and I wish today her words would sink in. Everyone told me yesterday what a good boy mom I am. I don't know how I feel about that today. I need a lot of work. Maybe having a third boy will change that for me, make me a better mom. Lots of my friends reassured me yesterday that I don't have to deal with the girl hormones. Yeah, I guess they are right but part of me wouldn't mind a little girl power. Yesterday James said to me, "Mommy, now there will be 4 boys and 1 girl in our family!" Oh no, is what I feel today. Maybe tomorrow will be different. I hope so because I don't like feeling like this, it makes me feel really guilty.
3 comments:
Maybe you are going to have a girl next!
I think it is okay to feel those ways sometimes. :)
Joanna,
Don't give up on your dreams. Dreams have no time nor space, which means we cannot tell when those dreams are supposed to be a reality.
Just think, if you had your girl before this little boy, would have another to get him? Probably not.
My parents had four boys. They lost the third one and then had another. Had they not, there would not have been the last one...We never know what we promised (before) until we follow what the Spirit tells us.
When I had Aaron I had a dream I had two boys. But only delivered one! I knew I had one more waiting. Matt!! It is a matter of agency. You are in charge of that.
Love, Anna
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