These last couple of weeks have been an adjustment for us getting back together as a family. There have been some ups and downs but nothing that we couldn't handle. My favorite adjustment was with Michael and Tanner. (There has been no adjustment) Tanner sort of picked up where he left off with Michael. He just walks around the house, smiles at him, sits in his lap, bites his leg, and says, dadadadadadada. He acts as if Michael went away for a bit and now is back. I'm amazed at how resilient babies can be. I knew they were but I'm grateful for the bond Michael has made with his boys because it shows up the most with Tanner.
As far as the big boys, they are different children. They eat more, they are happier, they are helpful, and most of all more loving. It's amazing at how they will jump at the slightest thing that Michael needs. I love watching them want to serve him and how they actually enjoy it. (most of the time)
With adjusting comes hard adjusting too. I never thought it would be that hard adjusting to someone who needs caring for but I have to admit it, it is. It takes a lot of energy and time. It also takes trust and faith on my part. I don't trust Michael's body one bit. When one little thing happens it ends up being a major thing for Michael. I find myself fearing going to sleep. I am scared that the scary things that happened to him in the hospital will happen again in the middle of the night and I will wake up and he is gone. Deep down I know it won't happen that way but my fears control my emotions and thoughts sometimes. I also react at the slightest things. I had so many emotions go through me throughout our trial that I wasn't even able to process every single one of them. I find myself still processing each one over and over again. I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude so many times. I continue to think how amazed I am that I was the one to be blessed with my husband's life, "Why me?" I'm normal just like other people who actually lose their loved ones. I guess for me, I can do whatever I can to help the ones who do lose their loved ones. I can hopefully be a small comfort to an awful experience. I pray I can be that strength. I also hope that I can continue to find ways to serve others through my experience.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Adjusting
These last couple of weeks have been an adjustment for us getting back together as a family. There have been some ups and downs but nothing that we couldn't handle. My favorite adjustment was with Michael and Tanner. (There has been no adjustment) Tanner sort of picked up where he left off with Michael. He just walks around the house, smiles at him, sits in his lap, bites his leg, and says, dadadadadadada. He acts as if Michael went away for a bit and now is back. I'm amazed at how resilient babies can be. I knew they were but I'm grateful for the bond Michael has made with his boys because it shows up the most with Tanner.
As far as the big boys, they are different children. They eat more, they are happier, they are helpful, and most of all more loving. It's amazing at how they will jump at the slightest thing that Michael needs. I love watching them want to serve him and how they actually enjoy it. (most of the time)
With adjusting comes hard adjusting too. I never thought it would be that hard adjusting to someone who needs caring for but I have to admit it, it is. It takes a lot of energy and time. It also takes trust and faith on my part. I don't trust Michael's body one bit. When one little thing happens it ends up being a major thing for Michael. I find myself fearing going to sleep. I am scared that the scary things that happened to him in the hospital will happen again in the middle of the night and I will wake up and he is gone. Deep down I know it won't happen that way but my fears control my emotions and thoughts sometimes. I also react at the slightest things. I had so many emotions go through me throughout our trial that I wasn't even able to process every single one of them. I find myself still processing each one over and over again. I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude so many times. I continue to think how amazed I am that I was the one to be blessed with my husband's life, "Why me?" I'm normal just like other people who actually lose their loved ones. I guess for me, I can do whatever I can to help the ones who do lose their loved ones. I can hopefully be a small comfort to an awful experience. I pray I can be that strength. I also hope that I can continue to find ways to serve others through my experience.
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1 comment:
YOu are so amazing Joanna..You all can pull through this trial. The Lord will continue to bless each & everyone of you. I can understand your fears, but know that our Father in Heaven will never leave you and will help you through it all.
Maybe talking with Jules would be beneficial for you as you process your emotions. Have you used her before? if not, ask Lori about it. She is amazing. Take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of your wonderful family.
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