Confused and Frustrated

I'm so confused at the trials we have sometimes. I know they are there for a reason, our faith is tested and tried, we learn, we grow and then we move on to the next trial. It is very obvious that Michael, me, and the boys had this trial for a reason. We also obviously know that Michael needs to be here. The thing that I am really confused about is the prolonging of the trial. You'd think that the intensity would lighten up just a little bit and that we would have small little trials along the way, but no that is not what we need, I guess. Yes there could be the alternative, Michael maybe wouldn't have survived any of this. But he did and I am so grateful. I just need a little rest from it all. My body is saying, enough is enough. I just need a second wind. Yesterday Michael was in the family room sitting in his wheel chair. I came into the room, he had his shirt up and was looking at a little bump by his incision sight. He asked me to come and look at it. I did and it didn't look super strange, just a little strange. I helped him to the restroom and called his cardio surgeons office to ask them what they thought, if I should bring him in. They told me that I should. We went there and his cardio surgeon looked concerned. He cleaned the spot with some iodine, took some clean scissors and quickly poked the bubble. It was like a bad zit, I kid you not, pretty nasty. His doctor squeezed some more stuff out and said, You are going to the hospital. Immediately Michael and I looked at each other and said, Uh, no. He wasn't taking no for an answer, sent us there, admitted Michael, and immediately got some strong antibiotics in him, and ran a bunch of tests. Now all we are doing is waiting. You see, this might all seem not a big deal, just an infection to all of you but for Michael and I it makes us feel our trauma all over again. We are fine now, very reassured that this too shall pass. It is just a minor thing in such a major trial. I'm just ready to have a rest. I long for a normal day, a day I can get up, go work out, read to my boys, play with them without feeling tired. I want to make dinner for my family, I want to read a good book, do some cool art projects with my boys, push them in the swing sets at the park, take them out to lunch, play scrabble with my oldest, make cookies with them. I appreciate and miss my old life more than ever. I know this is my new "normal" I just don't like it. I guess I have to learn to like it. I'm a little too stubborn for that. Like my mom always tells me, this too shall pass, and you can do hard things. I just never imagined it would get this difficult!!