Our new normal

Yesterday I was reflecting a lot on how life is for us now. Michael and I were seeing a therapist for a while and one of the things that he told me was that because of Michael's severe health problems I will never be able to get my old life back that I needed to find a "new normal". I think that goes for everyone who goes through any traumatic health problem. You either try to find a new normal or you struggle to get back the old one and be unhappy in the process. This entire year has been full of me struggling to get back the old one. And it hasn't done me any good at all it's only made me unhappy. Michael and I talked about making our "new normal" a "better normal". I thought to myself when we promised that to each other, well all I have to do is make Michael eat better, help him exercise, I thought of everything to change him, and nothing to change me. So I decided one day that I was going to change myself physically. I started eating better, exercising more, making better meals, and not saying a word to Michael. I noticed a huge difference. He wasn't angry as much anymore, he would get up and work out when he knew he could do it. I noticed a HUGE change. (I guess being a nag doesn't work) It was like because I made a decision about myself he followed. We have our moments just like anyone else but it's different between us. The biggest difference is that he talks to me more. I didn't realize how little he said to me before. Because he talks more I feel like I can talk to him. I've learned to voice my opinion with more patience. I didn't before, ever. We agree on things more now, sometimes its a agree to disagree but it's so much better. I'm so grateful that I have a second chance to make things different with Michael. It's not like our relationship was really bad before its just a new normal, a better normal, and I like it. The one thing that I've had a really hard time getting used to is Michael's clicking of his heart valve. If I really think about the clicking it brings back so many memories, that I just want to burst into tears. So I try not to think about it. I hear it across the room sometimes. It makes me nervous that if he goes up and down the stairs too many times the valve will just give out and stop clicking. I know that is so irrational, but it sounds like a ticking time bomb if you let it bother you enough. The rational part of me thinks it's so cool that someone could come up with such an amazing device that would help someone stay alive. I'm glad we can finally start our new normal. When we finally made the decision to work together we have been so blessed. We decided that it was time to move on to a new home with our new normal. We feel really good about it. And Michael feels really good about it. I love seeing him working so hard for me and the boys wanting to give us something better. We already had someone look at the house and it's not even one the market. They really liked it. I know this sounds weird but I really like getting it ready to sell, it makes me happy to watch Michael so motivated when I didn't see him very motivated for a long time. We are being blessed and watched over still, I can feel it. I hope that we don't fail Heavenly Father, EVER, he loves Michael, me and the boys and wants us to achieve great things and I will do whatever I can to fulfill those great things.