My sweet Michael

The last few days since Michael's second cardiac arrest have been really hard for me. I go to the hospital and watch Michael sleeping and wish so bad he could just be like he used to be. I imagine him talking to me and saying the silly things he always says, and then teasing me and laughing at himself because he thought he was so cute. I miss all of that. There have been so many times during these past 4 1/2 weeks where I had to get to the point where I had to think about accepting the fact that I might lose him, that he wouldn't survive through the night. I would sit in his room crying and thinking about if he were to go now, would I regret anything? I thought through everything that we had gone through together and I couldn't think of one thing that I would regret. Yes we had our tiffs but nothing that would cause enough turmoil. Michael has only been a light in my life, he has made me a happy proud wife. He is my best friend and I'm so grateful that I have been able to have many fun, exciting, spiritual, peaceful, loving memories with him. I can't wait to have more. Michael has been such a good influence for me. He has taught me patience, service, love, kindness, charity, and many many more things. The biggest blessing that he has helped give me are three handsome, sweet, kind, loving boys who continue to make me so proud. I was crying after I put the boys to bed tonight and my oldest, James came out to me and said, "Mom, I heard you crying, are you OK?" He then hugged me and snuggled up to me as I cried. He then said, "Mom, there are two good things about all of this, one, dad is getting better, and two he will come home to us." James never ceases to amaze me, he is just like his daddy. My heart aches for him tonight. I know this is so sappy but I don't care, I've been listening to that popular Bruno song lately, "Just the way you are." The words make me cry every time I listen to it. Even though Michaels body will never be the same again, I want him to always know that I love him just the way he is.