The second part of my nightmare

I've decided to post some more details of why Michael even ended up back in the ICU. I don't know why I even hesitated, I think because it was really traumatic and I am learning that I sort of keep info to myself and family during these type of things.
March 29th Michael was moved up to a regular unit and the doctors were talking about sending him home. He was doing well but I had a weird feeling that he was getting better too fast. I brought the big boys to the hospital at around 5:30 to see him. The big boys were sad and not eating well so I got special permission for them to see him. Michael's sister Tracie was there helping him. We stayed till about 6:30. Michael was looking kind of sick so I took the boys home. Tracie was there till about 8:00. I went home and put the boys to bed. The last couple of nights Michael and I had been texting each other while I laid down with our baby T. I laid down with him around 9:30. I texted him and he didn't answer back. I laid baby T down and went and found my phone and tried to call him but no answer. I then looked at my messages on my phone and I had two. I listened to them and they were from the hospital for me to call asap. My stomach churned, I thought how could something happened, I thought he was getting better? I called and the nurse handed the phone to one of the cardio surgeons on call. He explained to me that Michael had gone into cardiac arrest, and they were trying to get him stable and down for a cat scan. I hung up with the doctor and thought, how could this happen? I didn't understand, I called my dad, mom, and sister in law Tracie who came down to my house. My parents stayed with the boys and Tracie and I headed up to the hospital. The entire drive up I was so scared at what we would see. When we got there he was in a different ICU, they had sent him upstairs to the Medical ICU. We raced up there and they called us back when he was somewhat stable enough for us to see him. When they called us back his nurse explained to us what had happened. She told me that shortly after 8:00 (after Tracie had left him) he had thrown up. One of the nurses aides came in to clean him up, he became unresponsive and then they lost a pulse. They coded him where everyone rushes in and does CPR, yes that is what they had to do to my Michael. They got him to come back. They intubated him all over again and it was as if we were on day 2 all over again after the initial surgery.
That night Tracie and I stayed at the hospital. I took Michaels ring off of his finger and sat by his bed rubbing his ring, hoping that if I rubbed it hard enough all of this craziness would go away. The next few days were sort of a blur, his kidneys started to fail so he ended up having dialysis done so his kidneys would have a break. It seemed to work but then he started to have trouble breathing (after they had taken him off the ventilator). Every time I would go to the hospital everyone there kept throwing things at me left and right, telling me he had a blood infection, his platelets were low, he had fluid build up in his lungs, his liver started to fail, his blood pressure was too high. One thing after another, one test after another, nothing was showing any of the doctors why he was getting sicker and sicker. One week in the hospital lead to three weeks then to four weeks and 8 doctors. Michael had a pulmonologist, a rheumetologist, a hematologist, a gastroenterologist, a cardiologist, a infectious diseases doctor, a cardio surgeon, and a nephrologist. I was getting irritated at why he wasn't getting any better and why they weren't finding any answers. Every blessing that Michael got, every prayer that was said on his behalf all mentioned that the doctors would find out the answer soon and get him on the path to recovery. I tried really hard then to trust them, and to believe the prayers that were being said. Then April 6th and 7th Michael took another turn for the worse, his breathing got worse and he wasn't resting and his anxiety was really high so they decided to intubate him, and sedate him again for the third time. They explained to me that he was working way too hard to breath and in order for him to get better he needed to be on the ventilator again. It broke my heart in two, I didn't want him back on the ventilator, but I didn't have a choice I needed to do what was best for his healing process of his kidneys, liver, lungs, blood, heart, and blood pressure. So Saturday the 7th of April they intubated him again. The next few days after that his stats started to level off and stay stable for almost the entire week until the 15th and the 16th of April things started to go down again. He started bleeding from his nose, his mouth, there was talk of a bleed somewhere, more tests were done, no answers found.
Then Wednesday the 18th of April came, I walked into Michael's room and took a look at the computer where you can read all of his stats. His blood pressure was really really low, it was 72/53 and his heart rate was really high it was bouncing from 115-118. Even though MIchael was sedated I could still get him to wake up enough to look at me and nod his head but he wouldn't do it this time, so I freaked out. I went out of the room and got some of the nurses to come in. There had been some orders of things to give him to bring his stats back up. I stayed just to see if it would work and it did a little but I was still really really worried. I didn't want to leave him but I had to get home to the boys. My sister came to help me and keep me company, we talked for a little bit then she left shortly after 10:00. I was getting in bed around 11:30 and then the house phone rang. I was frantic. I raced for the phone. The lady on the other end said, "Mrs. McIntire, it's your husband, he went into cardiac arrest again and they are working on him now, I think you need to come." I immediately said no, there is no way he is gone, there is NO WAY!!! I called my dad and mom, they came. I went onto the porch and lost it. How could this happen again!!! Why weren't they fixing him? My neighbor heard me wailing and came and sat with me till my parents came. I then called my sister back and she came and stayed with the boys. When we got to the hospital I ran in, I had to know, was it true? Or were my deep down inside feelings, the ones that were saying he is still here, he's not gone, the ones that were true. Sure enough as I ran through the MICU, I looked through Michaels window and he was ALIVE! I couldn't believe it. He was still here! After he was cleaned up and they were starting to work on him to get him stable enough, I immediately stopped crying and felt peace. I won't go into details but watching my hubby lie there, rapidly breathing, his eyes open, terrified was probably one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. Even though it was awful and scary I felt peace. My parents and I stayed with him, the nurses let me stay by his bed most of the night. I held his hand and tried to think of all the good memories we have made together. I knew that even though this has been so traumatic, crazy, and awful, the feeling of comfort and peace has always stayed with me deep down inside. I vowed right then in that moment that I would never doubt those feelings again, that I would hold on to it no matter what happened to Michael. The next morning they did another GI scope on him to make sure that there was no bleed going on causing any of these problems. After the code they ended up doing another CT scan and still there were no significant signs that would have caused his code. The only thing that they saw was more fluid around his heart.
About 11:00 after the GI scope the nurse called me back because Dr. Ulicny, Michael's cardio surgeon was there and wanted to talk to me. I was really weepy when he saw me. He asked me to sit down. He looked me in the eye and said, "I'm so sorry but we are going to have to open him up again." I immediately started to cry and asked him WHY? He then explained to me about Cardiac Tamponade. The specific definition is : Cardiac tamponade is compression of the heart that occurs when blood or fluid builds up in the space between the myocardium (heart muscle) and the pericardium (outer covering sac of the heart). If you are interested in looking it up here is a good website: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001245/. His doctor then told me that this entire time he had only been 40% sure that it was this tamponade, he didn't want to take Michael back to the operating room and be wrong with all of his other problems happening it made his chances of surviving very low. That is why he took the safer route of doing different treatments to help break down the fluids around his heart. After the second cardiac arrest he was then 80% sure and wanted to take the chance now or he would die. He then explained to me that if it wasn't that then it could be a leak and he wanted to be prepared for both, but he looked me in the eye and said he had never had a leak, and I believed him. He then said to me,"I'm so sorry, I have tried so hard to fix him and bring him home to you." He then hugged me really hard and said, "I will do everything I can now to fix him again." I believed him. They took him back to the operating room within the hour and around 2:30 they came and got me and my mom. We went back to speak with Dr. Ulicny. He came in the room and said Michael is Ok. He then explained that there was black, clotty, sticky blood build up around his heart. He suctioned about a liter and a half. He put three chest tubes in and told me that he felt really good about what his out come would be now. And I believed him. We thanked him and then went upstairs to wait for Michael.
The next few days after the surgery Michael has made slow progress. All of his stats and organs have been making their way back to reality. I'm very pleased with his progress but very scared that something else is going to happen. I know deep down inside,(that feeling that has continued to give me comfort), that he will make it through. Even though this has been a nightmare of a journey I'm grateful that I have been the one to go through it with Michael. He continues to amaze me and others of his strength to live and to survive the inevitable. My love for Michael has grown tremendously, I know that God has been on our side all along and has kept Michael here for a reason. I have always known that Michael is an incredible person, and I have the privilege of being his wife. I continue to feel peace and know that this ugly journey will taper down and he will come back to us. I miss him every day but he has taught me and our boys a renewing sense of love for each other, courage, patience, faith, and hope.