It's all in the little things

Yesterday was a bad day, today was better. Yesterday was really hard, I was home all day by myself doing bills, running errands, being tired. I called the hospital quite a few times and all I did was get negative things from Michael's nurse. She wasn't uplifting, positive, or compassionate. It was quite frustrating. One of the times I talked to her she said, "I know so many people who's kidneys and liver never recover after they code, the have to have permanent dialysis put in." After she said that I asked her, "Are you saying to me that Michael will never recover from this?" Then she said, "He might not." And that was all she had to say. It hit me pretty hard, because yes that might be a reality but who was she to say that to me after all I had seen and gone through? For some reason that little thing just made me sick again and all of the feelings of these last five weeks hit me hard AGAIN! So I took a shower than cried for a while wishing I could be just like everyone else with normal husbands who aren't sick. Today my sister in law Tera is here visiting so that did cheer me up. We then drove up to the hospital to see Michael. We walked in the room and the first thing I saw was one of my favorite nurses, Stephanie, and then I heard Michaels voice! He started talking to me. He had the biggest smile on his face! I was crying! The respiratory therapists had come in that morning to change Michael's trach tube out for a smaller one, which made the WORLD of difference!! I heard my sweet mans voice! I was sooo happy and excited! After the day before feeling so crappy it was a breath of fresh air to hear his voice. I'm so grateful for the smallest thing of his sweet voice. I think I can rest easier tonight. Michael had a few tests done today. He is still dangerously anemic and the doctors are having a hard time figuring out why. They have done all kinds of blood tests and all of them come back negative. They decided to do a bone marrow biopsy to see if he has a few different rare blood disorders caused by lupus. I'm praying that none of those are the problem that his platelets will come back on their own. Platelets are the things that help your blood to clot. So right now he has a non existent clotting factor.